The World TEFL Beer Index Part One

As much as I like making random sweeping statements about the various different nations and nationalities I have got to know over the world, the real interest for me lies in comparing the different places it is possible to live and teach English- including the ones I don’t know. Many such discussions are possible, but the (often unspoken) thing that is always at the back of the minds of people when speaking about this is: which country is better? And which is the best? A difficult question to answer? Yes- until now!

The key to working out a scientific method to calculate the best country for teachers was to ask myself, what other things can I make an 100% certain answer to the question “Which place is best” about? Art galleries? Nah! Restaurants? Getting closer… Ah ha! Bars!

And so was born the World TEFL Beer Index. By people living in different countries answering the questions below and adding up their points, we will collectively be able to decide once and for all which the best TEFL country in the world is. Here we go:

  1. Assuming you had no expenses at all, not even food and rent, how many litres of the cheapest beer in the cheapest bar (not restaurant and not from a shop) could you buy with a typical monthly starting teacher’s salary? (Tokyo- 250,000 yen, 800 yen a litre= about 313 litres)
  2. Ditto, but this time for a very swanky bar in a posh part of town (Tokyo= 71)
  3. Ditto, but for the cheapest local beer in cans or bottles (500)
  4. If a Guiness is 1 (little hangover likely) and homemade scrumpy cider is a 10 (hangover guaranteed, even if you just have one, with death possible), how bad a hangover does the local cheap brew tend to give? (6)
  5. Ditto, with a local quality brand (3)
  6. How many minutes do you have to walk from where you live to buy beer? (12)
  7. How many hours a day is that place closed? (0)
  8. How much does a cheap but liveable single flat cost, in erms of number of cheap local beers in a bar? (Tokyo- 57,000 at 800 yen a litre= 69 litres)
  9. If you go drinking in a cheap bar, how many times a night are you likely to have to speak to someone you don’t want to? (1)
  10. How many beers are a local lady or gent who fancies you likely to need before they will start a conversation with you? (6)
  11. Ditto, but for a snog (10)
  12. Ditto, but for a snog with a stunner (12)
  13. How much will the locals’ opinion of you go up or down with each litre of beer you drink? (plus or minus percent) (+5)
  14. If you are drinking with the locals, by how many litres of beer and you likely to have to change your input to fit in with the others? (2)
  15. How many places are there likely to be for you to crash if you can’t get home after drinking? (2)
  16. How much will the most expensive one cost? (In litres of cheap beer in a bar) (13)
  17. How much will the cheapest one cost? (Ditto) (zero)
  18. How many hours a day are normal bars closed for? (12)
  19. How many hours a day are bars with longer hours closed for? (12)

Click on “comments” to see the marking scheme:

This entry was posted in Cultural differences/ cultural training, Teaching English Abroad, TESOL and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The World TEFL Beer Index Part One

  1. Alex Case says:

    To find your total points, you need to add your scores from questions 1,2,3 and 15. Then subtract the numbers you have calculated for questions 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19. Number 13 depends on whether you got a plus or a minus.

    Total Tokyo score: 729

    How’s yours?

  2. Sue says:

    Hmm, I’m confused, although whether that was the wine at the wine bar(s) or the Budvar from the fridge I’m not sure. Can I ignore 10/11/12 on the grounds of age and convert all the others to wine.. I am in Italy dontchaknow.

  3. Sandy says:

    This is far too complicated, Alex, especially when you take into account the low levels of Maths that most Teflers habitually display (beyond calculating their overtime payments and the cost of all the beer they’ve imbibed, of course).

    You need to rethink this one, I feel. A simplified ‘tefl-light’ version is needed – and i’m not talking about the beer (donchaknow!).

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